Mahikari: I wanted to believe

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I'm so grateful for the posts from ex-kumite. Thank you for your input concerning Ancestors altar. I'm still deciding on what to do with it, not because I think they need the food or drink.
The dojo I went to was out west. I went to the dojo in NYC, I think because in was the the ceremony for it becoming the new North American Headquaters? I forget. At my first Dojo, our group leader was always questioning what we were told. She would often say no one is perfect not even Oshininsama, look how many times we had to go though the Baptism of Fire. I think there were enough morsels of truth that I was ok with stuff I knew was bunk. I thought the style of language in the books was corny and I took it with a grain of salt. I wanted to believe that we were helping the world. I liked the orderliness of it, the sense of service, The Japanese ascetic. There were plenty of young people who called the Youth corps, The Hitler youth. I spent a good deal of time at the dojo. I did everything I needed at home first. I was asked to do flower arrangements and declined. I wasn't getting my kids up that early in the am. Some Members questioned why Okada smoked and why he needed to wear glasses, so questions were asked. My kids reminded me that it was taught that Jesus was buried in Japan.
We had a good laugh about that. They said lots of times I said I didn't know stuff which was good, That no one person or group had all the answers.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I wanted to believe

I was a member from 1992 to 1998. I love many aspects of the Japanese culture. I took Japanese language adult ed courses. I was invited to the Dojo by a member. I became a member very quickly. I was in walking distance of the Dojo. Corny as it seems I felt deeply at home. I was a stay at home mom, with two very well behaved, small children Good sohen? Ha, Whatever. My husband joined soon after. He had lived in Japan and could speak Japanese to Kambu. We lived about 40 mins from Shidobu and we went to monthly ceremony. I met so many wonderful people there. There were things that annoyed me like what are we chanting in the prayers. Why was the teaching in such bad Shakespeare. I was (allowed to) iron the special flocks worn by the people (allowed to) set up the Altar. My husband was always willing to help kambu with repairs. I felt blessed to be apart of this. There were some dear people, one of whom would challenge everything. She was a group leader, very funny outspoken Japanese woman. Then Dojosho and his family are told to move back to Japan. New Dojosho, and by the way New York is new Shidobu, some oldtimers feel betrayed. Many had mortgaged their homes to built it our little Suzu. Don't Question. My family moves. We go to the New Opening ceremony of the New Shidobu. Awful, Awful. Where My family and I live is about 3 hour drive from Dojo in our new state and it's run by old hippies, with none of the Japanese flavor, and no Japanese. Teachings are changing to suit the whatever winds of change dictate. My family and I stay in a hotel once a month to go to the Dojo for monthly ceremony. I'd say for donations and hotel and food we spend as least $400.00 a month. Ther is a young family at the Dojo who had been in the cult for years. They always had money problems, but urged to do more, give more etc. The husband was a sweetheart and did divine service with him once a month. This is added trip to the drive they both took to do repairs and such. Well this guy was tragically killed. It was so crazy. It was: why? My husband started to shut down. We stopped wearing omitama and stopped going. We still served Ancestors altar. My husband has since died, now i find out I'm serving dead japanese wwII soldiers. Oh boy